emotions, everywhere

You're not suppose to force yourself to move on. Honestly, it's probably the last thing you're suppose to do. You're not suppose to latch onto someone new just because you're lonely. You're not suppose to use someone else to your own benefit, then later drop them once you're "okay".

What you are suppose to do, or what you can do is honestly just move forward. Who cares how long it takes? Move at your own pace. No one controls your life other than yourself. You call all the shots.

Don't force yourself not to feel because once you turn your feelings back on, everything will just feel ten times worst. Everything you kept inside will just blow up and the feeling that was once gone will feel like it's consuming you all over again. So, fuck it. Feeling hurt, sad, angry, or whatever is completely normal. So what's the point in trying to take those feelings and shove them to the corner? Exactly, there's no point. Might as well go through the pain now then later, right?

Pain is inevitable.

Yeah, it fucking sucks, but you should never let pain control your life.

So first things first, acceptance of whatever happened is crucial. Acceptance means, it's real. And believe me, IT'S REAL. All this pain, all this heart ache, all this commotion is REAL. So first thing is to accept it. Acceptance is scary for most people. Acceptance = over = lonely = never finding someone else in the world that can ever take the place of the one person you love = continued cycle of emotions.

It's not suppose to be easy. The easy part was falling into love, the hardest part is getting through the aftermath alone. Honestly, no one will understand your feelings more than you. It will never be okay unless you want it to be, or better yet .... it will never be okay unless you LET IT be okay. There. I think that's better.

You know, it really is easier said than done. Trust me, I'm definitely not even taking my own advice as we speak ... but at least I'm trying.

Don't let one person determine anything. Don't let your friends tell you what to do. If they are telling you to "be strong" because they need you to be there for them because they are going through the same things you're going through ... don't listen to them. You can't be strong for anyone else but yourself. Take your precious ass time. If you want to go back to your past relationship, don't let anyone tell you that you can't. Honestly, your "friends" have no control over your decisions ... even though it may seem that way.

You can't control happiness, sadness, anger, or any other feelings. It's always going to be there in the back of your head to haunt you whether good or bad. But I guess over awhile (from what I've been told), things will get better. Over time, you slowly move towards a new. I have no idea what that new is, but I guess at the end of the day we have to take what we've been hurt with and learn from it.

It will never be easy. Love will never be perfect. But I guess once we tear that wall down, maybe things will get a little easier. Expect less. Spontaneity isn't always a bad thing. Don't search for love, let love surprise you. Things won't always work out, but when they do ... don't think about all the bad that's to come. Don't ever look at a relationship and think about all the bad that could happen. Don't even look at t past relationship and think about all the bad that did happen. Think about all the positives. You should never think of a relationship as a regret or a mistake (no matter how shitty it was). Let it be a lesson learned and take the bitterness aside.

I honestly have no idea where this post went. But all I know is as much as I'm stuck, I'm going to have to just try to move forward. Baby steps. I will take all the fucking time I need. And if someone comes along, maybe I should let myself experience something new. Because new is good.