FRIDAY

We bite off more than we can chew.

I think that's what i'm most afraid of when it comes to life. I want to do so much, but I don't want to overwhelm myself with everything. And to top it off, I see how a lot of people in my life have become with all the things they get involved in and I DO NOT want to turn into them and lose who I am in the course of it all.

You see, I have so many things I'd love to be apart of, but I cannot let myself get stuck within a system where politics and the community will take over my life. Where the politics and community will force me to be someone I am honestly not. Where the politics and community are telling me that I don't care just because I'm not attending events and I'm not posting articles all over Facebook about the issues that's going on around me.

I FUCKING CARE. I just believe that I don't have to show the world I care in the ways that the system has (by spending my days and nights fighting for the struggle, but forgetting my own struggles along the way). I don't need to be into politics to care. I don't need to post a Facebook status to show I'm aware and am standing for the community. And let's be real, MY EDUCATION, the reason I'm here at such a prestigious school, is more important to me. You know, my education and the career I'm striving for has to do with my community; my community that I will be apart of in MY future. What about that? There's so many questions I have when it comes to things like these. What about my future, my future community? How can I put a community before myself when I can't even help myself?

I'm surrounded by very intelligent, inspiring, and passionate individuals. But many of these people have forgotten about a lot of the other responsibilities they have. We can't help our communities if we can't help ourselves. I think it's so important to make sure you remember you're important too. I'm surrounded by individuals that make me feel horrible for finally putting myself first, when in the past, I always put myself last until I had the last straw and became someone I never thought I'd be. Someone who has turned into a suicidal depressive person. A lot of the individuals around me don't understand why I'm not fighting/advocating for the causes in the world. However, I am fighting. I'm fighting for different things. I'm fighting for the cause to stop one less person in the world from suicide. I'm fighting for the cause to help one less person to recover from depression. I'm fighting for the one person that should mean the most to me, and that's myself.

We bite off more we can chew.

You see, I'm trying my best not to get too involved into other things and I've become this anti-social butterfly, because I matter too. Because I'm looking out for myself too.

I've obviously kind of went on a rampage of emotions here and I've kind of lost myself and my main purpose of writing this today. I think I just want to end this with a piece of advice that I never took into account because I cared more about the world than myself:

Don't let those around you tell you're purpose in this world is nothing. Always do what you need to do to achieve happiness. Always follow what your heart tells you. Always think about what needs to be done and always prioritize them. Overall, IT'S OKAY TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST SOMETIMES. You owe it to yourself to love yourself.