Updates

Winter break hasn't really been what I've been wanting it to be, especially with the whole "my mom has breast cancer thing" and "I'm not going to let it get to me" and "I'm honestly the only person that's going to turn this situation around and find some positivity in it". It's been hard, but I'm so happy to find that I have people that definitely support me.

Hi Nanay, I think the hardest thing is that you can't know about mom because you'll just ... be so crushed (and no one in the family wants that, so we couldn't tell Tatay either). I guess what I'm saying is: Nanay, I love you, and I hope you know that we love you too. Please don't worry about your children, because even though you don't know what's going on ... everything will definitely be okay.

Oh Derek, you've always been the one person that I've always loved and I feel like it's going to be like that forever. It's hard to tell people how I feel because everyone is so judgmental and some people just don't understand. You stick up for the people you love and you stick by their side. You're my favorite person. Fuck everyone. I'm going to be with you as long as I can. 

Because they are macarons, I needed them. Fuck yeah, but -$23.74 from my bank account.

Christmas presents from my best friends. Yes, they know me and I truly appreciate the presents they got me, even though I seriously didn't need anything. (But shoutout to Brittney for getting me the things I really did ask for on my Elfster. My cousin failed me and got me shit that I KNOW FOR A FACT came from an old Obey sale and he just gave me old shit that was lying around that he had, but whatever ... CHEEPS haha). 

 

You know what, I really thought I was going to do horribly this quarter. But I'm so fucking proud of myself. You know, with all the stupid shit that went down this quarter ... especially the news of my mom, this is what I needed and this is something my mom felt positive about for the first time in a month. The fact that she told me "fuck 2014, fuck 2015. nothing to celebrate for the new year", I really needed to freaking give her something to make her love herself again. It's been hard, but I hope she knows that we all work really hard for her.

Eyeliner. I tried it. I rubbed my eyes. It was the hardest shit to take off. Let's try this again.

I didn't get to picture Maryan's gifts I gave her, but I really hope my friends love what I gave them. 

The night before mom's first chemo session (MIA: Ateh). 

Today was Mom's first chemo session. She was really nervous, but she did great! Although receiving the first round of chemo isn't hard, it's the healing myself, my family, and my mom are most afraid of. It's going to be so painful for her, physically and ... mentally. My mom is beautiful, and will always be beautiful. It's hard for her to accept that she's going to lose all her hair and the decision to remove her breasts scares her, but my dad being so in love with my mom said "She can remove her boobs. She has no one to impress. She's mine and I'll love her with or without her boobs." All my mom needs is support, so hopefully those around my mom just be positive and don't rub the cancer in her face. 

This is definitely going to be a hard year for my family, but I'm excited to help my mom get through this. 2015, teach me as much as I can. Please bless me with success and bless my family with strength. Love you mom. You're stronger than you think.