School has definitely taken a tole on me. With the stress of having to take summer school because I was not capable of taking twenty-two units (five classes this quarter), it has truly brought my stamina down. But in reality, four classes has been a struggle for me the past year and a half. I've been trying to make sure that I don't put my parents through another year of paying for my school (or better yet, another year of asking my uncle to pay for my schooling ...). Money is always an issue, that is why I'm constantly working and I'm constantly tired because of long hours at work, at school, meetings, designing shit for the clubs I'm in, FAMILY, and honestly ... just breathing. I forget to breathe sometimes and to take a step back from my responsibilities for at least 5 minutes.
I have already broken my New Years resolution to work out as much as I could, but if I could barely even remember to eat and let alone finish my homework the night before it's due (with having to wake up really early in the morning or scrambling after work to get to class to finish whatever I didn't finish just so I won't turn in incomplete work) is so unacceptable to me.
I am a worry bot. I leave for class at least 40 minutes before even if it only takes about 15 minutes to get to class. Just imagine how I am with not being timely on doing my assignments? I haven't been on top of my shit like I said I would (there goes another New Years resolution).
Oh, and to reitterate what my mentee put on her twitter - "Seriously, I have some selfish people in my life" - ... that has seriously been my mentality about everyone lately and for basically my whole life. It's not hard to be selfless, but I guess I need to be open to the idea that people just don't think the way I do. I always think of others before myself, it's a curse and a blessing at the same time.
But where did I go about all of this? Oh yeah...
So "I open my eyes to the sun and see nothing".
I saw this after an interview I went to on Tuesday morning and I felt like it was something I needed to think about. At lot of my mind was jumbled as to what this even meant, but I think it's open to it's interpretation. For me, I saw it as if there is definitely brightness that has been happening in my life (you know, the good should always shine before the bad type of shit), but at the same time nothing is happening. There's definitely great things in my life, but with the chaos on the side I feel like nothing is moving forward or progressing.
Shit. Word. Vomit. (but what's new)
I guess at the end of the day, I always count my blessings even if everything is stagnant at the moment. I'll always be grateful and I'll always persevere. I need to remember that I am resilient. That I can do it. I guess it's just time that's speeding everything up where I can't grab the things I need because of the speed it's going at.
Welp, there goes random thoughts. I never go back to a blog I write to reedit it. I'll keep all grammar mistakes and all other bullshit because the way I'm typing and the way I'm saying things is truly how I'm feeling. Not even trying to sound eloquent, just allowing my mind to be put to words.
So here are just some other shenanigans I've been up that have put my mind off of school.
What to wear to an interview? Da fuck I know, right?
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