Philautia

It's been said by the Greek's that there's two types of self-love (philautia) -- narcissism and a healthy version that enhances your capacity to love.

I've never really been one to see myself in any bright light what so ever, but growing older, I've grown to feel secure with who I am as a person and I believe I truly am the person that I've always hoped I could be. Which brings me back to what the Greek's believe in for the healthier version of love -

"The idea was that if you like yourself and feel secure 

in yourself, you will have plenty of love to give others." 

I've always had an open heart and mind and I'm a firm believer that love can make even the angriest person crack a smile.

But I think the problem here is that I'm forgetting to love myself and I forget to give myself love because I'm so consumed in giving it to everyone but me. I put others before myself and it has become apparent to me that I'm important too and that I deserve a real happiness for myself as opposed to being fueled by the happiness of others.

I've learned to never expect love from anyone, even if you have ties of a relationship with them. Because at the end of the day, the one person who can love you unconditionally is yourself. And Self-love (and yes, the healthy version) is so important because love starts with one person and one person first, and that's you yourself. You provide love, and you can give it back to yourself. I've learned that the hard way and I'm finally allowing myself after over a decade to finally give myself the love that I've disbursed to others.

I've learned it's okay to be selfish sometimes because when enough is enough and you've done all you can for something or someone, it's time to do all you can for yourself to achieve the best outcome that you can accomplish or to become the best version of you.

Philautia (in it's positive light) - proper love or self-love where we can only love others if we love ourselves, the love we extend to others fueling from the love we have for ourselves. 

I guess I've been loving people all wrong ... because I never found the love I have for myself and I'm still searching for it. I think it's definitely time to start loving myself so that I can love right.