Balancing out the good and bad

There's definitely been a lot of things going on in my life at the moment. Through the photos below, you can't really tell what I've been having to deal with and how stressed I really should be with finals, but I've been trying my best to take photos of the things and people I have been encountering within the past few days. So before I go on about my sad mopey life at the moment, here are descriptions of each photo (there are no order to these photos, just everywhere like how I've been doing at the moment):

Decided to treat myself with buying some clothes on sale at Urban because it was additional 50% off the sale; however I have failed myself and only bought three sale items and ended up buying my sister a bag and my mentee one of many of the Christmas gifts she will be receiving so there goes some money. Decided to also buy a dress from Brandy Melville. I was hella hesitate knowing the quality of their clothes (and the price as well), but I was like ... fuck it, it's a t-shirt dress and those are fucking essential. Oh, and my ultimate splurge: 2TB HARD DRIVE. Yes, I did it and it was a great purchase that's WORTH IT for only $90 when 1TB hard drives are legit $80 each! Get. On. This.

Here's my white elephant gift that my cutiepie friend Kate ended up being blessed with, LOL. Yes, that is a photo of me in a heart shaped snow globe. And yes, I did autograph it and put "To my #1 Fan". Lol, I'd like to think it's a wonderful gift hahaahahha

Well I don't know why these photos won't align nicely right now, so fuck it. But today was definitely a fucking hurtful day (but I'll get back to that at the end of these photos). A much needed trip to Sawtelle for Boba and Kogi was a must with my first best friend Justine and my roomie Michelle. It's always nice to know that Justine will always fucking be one of the rocks in my life. Seriously, so fucking grateful for her and it's so nice to know she's always going to be there for me regardless. Love you Jahhsten if you ever read this.

    

Yeah, this one is hella random ... but Pizza Paddles for my project. Lol one with a Planchette and one representing Illuminati. It's a Pizza Delivery game, but I'm way too lazy to explain what it's about so we will just leave it at that lol.

 Seeing friends is always nice. Especially because I'm such a fucking introvert all the time. Like, I honestly don't understand how people are so willing to be friends with me when I'm so awkward. But below are photos of two people I saw today. First one, Mark Quintos. I think one of the friends I have here at UCLA that honestly has so much of the same interests that I do. Fucking miss this fool, so Mark, if you ever read this, I miss connecting with you friend. Let's please hang out. Oh and the little figure to the right of him. Yeah, I so regret not getting closer to her during the years she was with my here at UCLA. THREE YEARS WASTED. But Honestly, she's someone I definitely regret not getting closer to ... or better yet ... why was I not paired with her as my mentor? Ugh, I love her and she's amazing.Victoria, you'll probably never read this, but you're a big ball of sunshine and weirdness and I love it. Love me friends, because I actually really miss you both.

 

Ah, the gloomy beauty of my school. Straight ahead is my home (Broad, home of the Design and Media Arts Department). So say hello to the building I am in from 9-5 almost EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.) But as everyone takes photos of how beautiful Royce Hall is, I constantly take photos of the trees and the department I'm so blessed to be in.

Finally fucking tried IKE'S. Ugh Let's just say, I was not disappointed. (This fucking alignment though is killing me). But it's always nice to see my sister and her boyfriend. They always seem to come visit me at the times I need them most and they have no idea.

There's better aligning! SHIT! Anyways, here's some selfies in the changing room. lol

Did I mention I saw a fucking teacup pig the other day. Holy shit I love you little bubba you. I got to see the little booger with my grand mentee Jessi who I fucking love so much. I really see why they paired her with my mentee. She's just, UGH! I love her.

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Okay, so the bad news. Today (or well, yesterday), my mom was officially diagnosed with Breast Cancer with it spreading to her lymph nodes. You can only imagine the shock I'm in. There is basically no line of cancer in my family ... and of course ... it happened to be MY mom. Getting the news during work was horrible, and getting the news during finals week just set my motivation at it's ultimate edge of non-existence. Just. I can't believe it. I think a reason why I can't believe it is that I haven't been home in over three weeks and I haven't been face to face with my mom. But I already know that I will definitely breakdown when I see her. I just. I don't know. I just hurts me I guess. I just never thought it would be my mom you know. When I'm alone, I definitely don't cry about it for some reason. But when I talk about it with people and actually say it out loud ... it just ... makes it real which is something I don't was to face I guess. 

Ugh. It's 4:40AM and I really need to go to sleep. Typing this, I'm still not crying. But, I think it's me just trying to cope and get my feelings together (which obviously wasn't solved through here because I fucking went on in tangents and had no idea what I wanted to say). But I guess that's an update of everything at the moment. Finals is here and I'm it's bitch. Goodbye.